Unmitigated junk.

For maybe the first time ever, last week I found myself on an airplane without any sort of reading material.  No book, no magazine.  I don’t own a tablet.  And my work computer certainly did not have anything good to read – anything saved to my local hard drive anyway.  Poor planning.

So after I was done sleeping with my mouth open in front of total strangers, I moved onto the airplane magazines.  The informational one had interesting articles about Minnesota… Then it was down to the smaller magazine selling crap.  It’s really crap!  A shawl you can wear around your torso to improve your posture.  A floating toy you can put in your pool to make it look like a guy is driving a gondola around in there.  A mesh platform with a shade cover for dogs to sit on outside.  How ridiculous!  You know that any dog lucky enough to get outdoors to a nice yard just wants to rub her neck in the nearest poop or plain old lay around in the full sun.  Not sit on the dog equivalent of a trampoline under an umbrella.  Dogs can get all their requisite kicks for free.

Even if you came to the conclusion that you have bad posture – which is not really a problem – you could solve this non-problem by thinking to yourself “I shall sit straighter from now on!”  And before you know it, either your non-problem is solved, or you feel like you solved it and are pretty pleased with yourself.  Which in reality is about the same outcome.

Same with the pool gondola guy.  I just don’t see how someone gets to the point of thinking “gee, my pool is so empty when I’m not in it splashing around and enjoying myself!”  Personally, I would like to look out the window and see a sparkling, crystal clear pool free of cartoonish interruptions.  But maybe this is a white-person-with-pool problem.  I wouldn’t understand.

The magazine went on for at least 50 pages with this nonsense.  It made me wonder what the implied characteristic of the total population of the flying public is.  That because we are sitting in Economy seats on a flight from Boston to Detroit, we have too much money to know what to do with?  Or has the stale, fart-laden air in planes been proven in studies to reduce cognitive abilities and decision-making faculties?  Your phone is in airplane mode on the plane anyway, so you can’t make any immediate poor decisions.

This was like a strange glimpse into another world for me.  I have always avoided push-marketing of unnecessary stuff.  I don’t watch QVC ever (don’t even have cable anymore), and don’t have catalogs of any kind of goods that come to my house.  I like to think that all my stuff is purposeful and essential.  So the overload of pointless junk was overwhelming.  Next time (and all following times) I will bring a book.

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2 thoughts on “Unmitigated junk.

  1. HAHA. I absolutely love those skymall magazines purely for the entertainment factor. It kinda scares me that they stay in business, though… does that mean people actually purchase these ridiculous products? Maybe just for the gag gift factor? I hope.

    Also, you never fail to crack me up with your quotes: “But maybe this is a white-person-with-pool problem. I wouldn’t understand.” hahahaha.

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